15 Lessons I Learned In 2018 That Will Help Shape Me In 2019 and Beyond
Happy new year to you all! I had a very interesting 2018 and I wanted to share and document some of the things I learned over the years that will help shape me as a leader in 2019 the years to come.
Trust in God Who Who Fulfills His Purpose for Me
- I learned that when I put my trust in God, my life is more filled with much more hope versus disappointment. People have been disappointing people from the beginning of time, but my father God has continued to bless me with purpose I know have yet to fulfill. He is the only person I need to answer to with regard to how I live my life. Which leads me to my next point.
Forgiveness; Making Allowances for Faults in Myself and Others
- Trusting others is hard; knowing that there is a very big possibility that people I trust will disappoint me is even harder. When I get disappointed, I have to remember the many times I have disappointed someone that cared about me and how that alone made me feel. None of us are perfect. If God, who is almighty and more powerful than all of existence, can forgive me; who am I not to forgive my brothers and sisters?
Trust the Vibes
- I’ve learned to trust those weird, anxious feelings I get around people or situations. No, those feelings were just not anxiety, and no, it was not just all in my head; it was bad vibes or negative energy! If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a duck! Although I strive to be a forgiving person, I realized it’s okay to love people from a distance if I don’t get good vibes from them. Being an advocate personality type, I thrive in positive environments where people are good-hearted and genuine in nature; it hurts advocate personality types when they don’t get back the same genuine energy that they put out. Although good-hearted and genuine people make mistakes too, I find that it is usually never with bad intentions. I trust the vibes I get now. With time and/or investigation into the bad vibes, I realize my intuition is usually never wrong!
Communication, Good Listening Skills, and Compassion are Key to Understanding, Problem Resolution, and Cooperation
- It is normal for people to have misunderstandings. I have strong opinions, but being a solution-oriented person I am always open to hearing the other side no matter how passionate I get (although some people still don’t get that about me, I am working on it though). Two keys I use to resolving problems are to listen to the other side and put myself in the other person’s shoes so you can try to understand their point of view even if I don’t agree. People are normally thinking for themselves, not for or like me or any other person. People are going to be who they are, not who I want them to be. If I truly care and have compassion for people that I have a misunderstanding with, I have to work on getting to a solution and how we can move forward because no one can take back or change what was already said and done. I can only try to understand how the issue came about, my contribution to the issue, and what steps need to be taken so it can be resolved or so that the chances of it happening again will be minimized. Cooperation can go a long way in personal and business relationships.
Be Accountable and Take Responsibility for My Actions
- It is easier to move past a problem if both sides are being accountable or taking responsibility for his or her actions. I always try to ask myself if there is anything I could have done differently when I encounter any conflict.
Remain in Constant Optimization Mode
- It is important for me to constantly analyze the results in my personal and professional life so I can constantly improve. I don’t know about you, but like being considered a good person. I am constantly reflecting (unlike dwelling as I used to) so I can better myself. If you noticed, this post is focusing on what I can do better, not telling you what you should do better. It is not competing with anyone else to be better, it is beating out my old self to be my best self ever!
The Miracle in Practicing Daily Gratitude and The Law of Attraction
- Writing thank you notes have been so powerful in my life. I felt it was important to let people know they are appreciated before our time together on this earth is up. Most importantly I thank God for the blessings in life, daily. Speaking and thanking God for what I have and for what want as if it were, in conjunction with taking action, creates miracles in my life and produces results that get me closer to what I actually want in life.
The Platinum Rule (Selfless) vs. The Golden Rule (Selfish)
- The Golden Rule says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But the Platinum Rule states that you should treat others how they want to be treated. The Platinum Rule is more about thinking of others first, and it helps me practice selflessness. It is not always about me. If I treat others how I want to be treated, as the Golden Rule states, I would be thinking of myself first instead of the other person. And I am striving to be a selfless person!
True Leadership Means Leading by Example
- To be a true leader, I have to lead by example and remain in optimization mode. That means practicing the Platinum Rule. That means taking a few smaller losses to get to the ultimate win, harmony. In other words, I want to win the war, not the battle. It means being solution-oriented. Leadership is a big responsibility to take it on. For example, in relationships that I care about I learned to not always have a rebuttal for everything I don’t like said about myself, not to always be quick to defend myself or not to have to tell someone that I already know something that they are trying to teach or share with me. I choose to respect other people’s feelings and thoughts even though I may not agree with them, and I know I have to treat people how they want to be treated. If someone I love feels hurt or wronged by me, and I know about it, it is my duty to find out what I can do to change that feeling. I find that having this kind of compassion for others at times of conflict gives people the option to cooperate or make themselves out to be the difficult one. I find much more harmony with the approach of acknowledging people’s feelings. At some point, the disagreement has to be resolved anyway, right? I’d rather take the time to work through it, which creates a deeper understanding and connection, instead of dragging out the disagreement or ignoring the problem.
Nurture My Relationships
- Sometimes the relationships that are the strongest are the ones I least expect. I always imaged the closest relationships I would have would be my family. It turns out, most of the people that support me without me having to ask are ex-colleagues, current colleagues, business associates, people that I just met and other people that have worked with me in some form. They cheer me on and believe in me sometimes more than I believe in myself! It’s probably because these people have seen my work ethic and the passion I have in helping others be successful in life, live and in-person, versus my family who may only hear about it. In real estate, they call this supportive group of people my life my “A-List’ or ‘Sphere of Influence” or “SOI”. Those are the people who I will really work hard to maintain relationships with and nurture!
The Present Is Only Temporary
- I was about 24 years old when I believe learned I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I have started several businesses, most of which I considered failures in the past. I have built up my credit, finances, and lifestyle, only to take a huge risk and have to start back at scratch and get a job again. Each time I tried my hand at entrepreneurship, I would think “This is it! I am finally going to make it”, only to lose it all have my ego bruised when I had to go back to work again get a “real job” and build it back up again. At the end of the day, I learned that when I have always paid my own bills, don’t ask anyone for anything and fend for myself, I am the only person who can tell me what I should be doing with my life to survive. I just keep getting better and better at every attempt. What I learned from my own experience of kicking or abandoning people while they are down, that the present in only temporary so be careful how I treat people that I think is down for the moment because life will meet you with a bitch named Karma if you aren’t careful.
Player Vs Victim Mindset
- My recent journey in entrepreneurship again isn’t an easy one. Although I am in a new field, real estate, I still use the same skills I have been working on throughout my professional career in business (start-up environments, marketing/lead generation, problem-solving, analytics, negotiation etc). My recent training in real estate during my Ninja Installation last week reminded me that I can choose to either be a player or a victim. Either I choose to work harder when the odds are stacked against me so I can come out victorious, or I can be a victim and sulk my way into depression and stagnation and continue to make excuses. I choose to be a player! When I fall down, I will keep picking myself and dusting myself off until I make it to the finish line. No matter how long it takes or what anyone thinks of my journey! I no longer fail. I am whatever that I say I am and not what you think I am; I no longer allow other people’s negativity to be projected on me! God has something much greater planned for me; I have so much faith in that!
Freedom of Expression is Necessary for Individuality.
- Back in the day when I had no idea what social media really was, I posted my thoughts freely. Over time I realized how much I started censoring myself and deleting my old posts in hopes that in the future when I become a public figure that it wouldn’t come back to haunt me. What I realize is no matter how politically correct I am, someone will probably have a problem with it somewhere. Also, people change. I should be able to embrace the growth that I have shown over the years and be proud of how much I’ve changed. I also have many thoughts and ideas to look back and be proud of. Why should I keep restricting what I want to express in fear of that one person who may get offended? You’re damned if you do; damned if you don’t. I will do me, with grace!
Being Wise vs Judgemental
- I love reading positive messages from people I consider leaders. However, there is a difference between wisdom and judgment. Wisdom is kind guidance versus stern morality. Wisdom is neutral and friendly in tone and doesn’t punish. Real wisdom creates harmony, not negativity packaged as advice. Disclaimer: I am not wise.
Be True to Yourself!
- I am not perfect, but I pride myself on being an understanding, compassionate, kind, helpful, honest and genuine person. Believe it or not, I’ve been laughed at for giving too many compliments, insulted while giving compliments, given attitude in return for my apologies, invited people to events that never show up, nor do they return the favor, and I have forgiven people over and over who have don’t make it easy for others to get second chances. At one point, I considered changing who I am, but I will continue to be good to the people who I allow to be around me. The not-so-kind people will have to receive my love from a distance as I protect my energy.
The moral of the story is I don’t have to explain myself to anyone; I only need to answer to God! However, in order to be the leader that I strive to be, sharing how I view and handle some of the challenges I face as an imperfect human will hopefully help open up some more minds in the world.